Kape, ito ang Sagot.

are for happysad thoughts and moments spent in bed looking out the window, listening to the rain’s cottony laughter.

Today I dreamt that:

1. Jang had another girlfriend, who looked half Black.
2. Byron, Jang and I were eating in a Jollibee where the service was painfully slow and primitive. One service crew mixed powdered orange juice and drank from the cup she was to serve Jang, I saw this because in my impatience I decided to barge in their kitchen. Jang was antsy and kept looking at her watch, it turned out she was to meet said girl. The next thing I knew I was confronting Jang and said girl, with all these print reporters milling around. I was saying things like: “So kelan pa kayo naging mag-on?” (girl answers: nung August 5) “Ah talaga? Kami nung July 31 pa!” “Mag ingat ka kasi ginago ako ng boyfriend mo!” Yeah, Jang became a boy! Later on I walked by said reporters seated around a long table, discussing the incident, and debating whether to put it in the front page of some tabloid. Weird.
3. There is a manmade lake in UP Baguio. In our graduation photos we were each made to stand by the lake so that the photo will consist of: a full shot of the lake, the graduate's full body shot (which made the individual's face indistinguishable) and a sweeping shot of "extras" doing different sorts of things like picking fruits from a tree, strolling, etc. The photos turned out to be dreamy (like a painting), the lake seemed to be glistening and some parts of the photo were actually moving ala-Harry Potter photos.

Today I confirmed that I don’t need to take drugs before sleeping just so I can have trippy dreams.

Today I fell in love with Rufus Wainwright. “I don’t want somebody to love me, just give me sex whenever I want it.”

Today, I decided that my addiction to Sudoku must end, because I end up spending hours on one puzzle, and I can’t sleep or do anything else until I finish a puzzle, and it’s becoming really serious, I mean, Sudoku might take a huge chunk out of my intent to lead a productive life.

Today, I didn’t show up for a call center post job interview.

Today, I craved for instant noodles when the rain suddenly poured hard, but then just as I was going to Aling Lilay’s the rain turned into a drizzle and so I settled for piping hot pork sinigang and cold rice. My mother’s sinigang has the perfect mix of asim and anghang. It’s perfect for drizzles. Instant noodles is perfect for pouring rain. Champorado and tuyo, on the other hand, is perfect for early morning drizzles spent with groggy brothers and a chirpy mother, and memories of a father with a really loud yawn.

Today I decided that the reason why I have been practically gluing my body on the bed for hours is that I am physically and psychologically exhausted. I am not yet settled with the fact that I am home. There are still a lot of things I wanted to do in the US (San Francisco especially) and I am still not okay with being in the Philippines. I deal with this uneasiness by sleeping, eating, frying my eyes with episode after episode of The L Word, basically not dealing with real things. I would love to be out of this comatose, get a job, actually look for a job, but then, there are more issues attached to that (Baguio, family, Jang, Jang’s upcoming bar exam etcetera) and so I am immobilized by the seeming enormity of my life right now. My life, which in reality is pretty much pfffft. Paranoia sucks. But I seem to be settling in its soft neck like a satisfied lover. It’s comfortable, is all.

Today Jang and I are four years and seven months old. We rock. Dude.

E-Aji’s extremely cheesy garlic dip is ♥. I decided on this yesterday.

Today I talked to Papa on the phone. I raved about seeing an inferior laptop (of the same brand as mine) in Megamall and about how it’s priced P90,000. We got my laptop for the equivalent of P40,000 while I was in Las Vegas and maybe I will always gloat about how we got a good bargain. Brand spanking new, 80GB, DVD-RW etcetera. It has good specs, relatively. But I still want a Mac G4, hmrff.

Today I completed eleven levels of Bounce in the cellphone Jang lent me.

Today, I thought about how the past is impossibly blurry, and whether or not it’s my fault? Maybe I am blocking memories of my immediate past and so now all I can remember from my five-month US stay are sketches and lines and floaty images. It sucks. And just now I am regretting not taking a shitload of photos. But as we always say, tapos na, bayaan na.

Today is a good day for deciding to not compare myself with others, for there will always be lesser and greater people than me. We are unique we are incomparable we are God’s own perfect creation we are loved we are like songs that are playing all at once in the grand scheme of things and we are of different melodies and words but we are all heard we are distinct we are a beautiful cacophony we are loved we are loved and in the end that’s all that matters.

Today, I seem to be getting my groove back. Yay for scheduled writing time (is this phrase correct? scheduled writing time?), instant coffee, bamboo curtains, rainy Tuesdays, long-term relationships, Megamall loving, flip-flops, Eat Bulaga (especially when Vic Sotto is not absent), junk food, lettuce, brocolli, Sun cellular’s unlimited text and calls, lapses in judgment (like when you actually eat pork fat like it is health food, decide to take another bite and another and another, yummmmm, okay stop na), celebrity blogs, details in a moment… like how Mama’s eyes are extra happy today. (-:

Tuesdays are for dreaming, ditching job interviews, figuring out what we want, rainy day musings, not coming to any conclusion, knowing that there will always be tomorrow, but also knowing that there will never be a day like today.

Posted by Kat on Tuesday, August 22, 2006 at 8/22/2006 09:15:00 PM | Permalink